hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
