I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The police scanner is talking about you again....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
