Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
