I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
