my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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