I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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