I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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