Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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