Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
