hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
