Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
