After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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