threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
