You made me cry and you don't even care
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
