I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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