reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
