Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
