Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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