I hate all girls vehemently.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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