we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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