So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
