Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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