I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
