I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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