I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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