I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
