please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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