Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
