i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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