If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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