I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
