Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
