People with herpes should wear stickers.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
