ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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