Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
