i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
