Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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