we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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