So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
