wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
