I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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