I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
