Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
