dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
