How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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