that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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