the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
