my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
