can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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