Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
