Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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