Is it because I queefed?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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