Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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