just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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