So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
