saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
