Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
